“it is what it is”

a thing, a thought, an action?
an untruth, broken promise, or excuse?
a reason to quit, to transmit, or submit?
to deflect, a defect, or infect?
an insecurity, from instability, with inability?
a right, a wrong, or the other?
because you can’t, you won’t, so you don’t?
all black, white or grey?

you say it without saying it.
you play it without playing it.
you surrender to it without pause.
the circumstances leave you, without cause.
it is yours to speak.
like a slap across my cheek.
so you can be the good guy.
no matter how little you try.

these empty words
carry the weight
of indifference, dismission
and of hate
so be careful to consider
the stain left on my heart
when these five toxic words
from your lips do part.

“Hide and Seek”

A sinister visitor unknown to doctors  

Lying dormant inside of her insides,

A parasite gaining nourishment from her body

Dividing and infiltrating cell after cell

Playing its own game of hide and seek.

Wreaking havoc and crippling pain

The mutation sails through her blood

Dictating how she will live her life

Denying what was once promised her, 

Stealing the best years of her remaining life.

Metastasized. Metastasized.

Feeding off her organs as if at a buffet

Sampling from this one and that

Stuffing its nameless face

with all that it can consume.

Accepting eradication is impossible

Radiation and chemotherapy

Are but a mere slumber to the beast

Simply slowing down its destruction

With no plans to vacate the premises.

Hope is but a fool’s illusion 

Wasting time that can’t be turned back

Spending energy that is lost forever

Fighting what you cannot win,

Wishing for just a little more time.

“Alone”

The woods are eerily still along the winding driveway as my headlights catch glimpses of the hidden secrets of the darkness, careful not to reveal their shadows. The only sound is the gravel crackling and echoing under my wheels as I ease into the garage. The house sits peacefully covered in a layer of dewy silence under the night sky, nestled in the darkness of the woods. The inside remains still and untouched, just as we left it. I am reminded of how long it’s been since I’ve been here, since we’ve been here.

My eyes cannot see through the darkness of the backyard out the bay window; walking the grounds will have to wait until day break. The drive was long, and I am tired. I stir the house awake by lighting a fire and it wastes no time spitting and screaming at me, as the orange glow of the flames sets my skin ablaze. It is the most perfect kind of warmth matched only by being wrapped up in your arms.

Drifting off to sleep and wrapped up in the warmth of the fire, my mind carries me to you like a delicate leaf caught up in the autumn wind and gently places me on the memory of the last time we were together. I cannot stop myself, maybe the morning will be better.

The birds singing their morning song from high atop the waving oak trees has replaced my alarm clock. Upon waking, I am reminded how much I love the sounds of nature. Your side of the bed sits cold and untouched. I dreamed you’d come.

It is cold here today, just like you like it. I loaded the wood burning stove with three large pieces of wood placed in a triangle just as you showed me all those years ago, before heading out back to check the grounds. The pine trees are over twenty feet tall and have filled out nicely. I was able to gather a collection of their discarded pine cones that I will use for holiday decorations this year, maybe. It is beautiful and peaceful up here this time of year with the leaves changing colors and I wish you were here.

While sipping my coffee on the deck today, the tall oaks seemed to cautiously wave at me, careful not to disturb because they know what I know…I’m alone.

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